Changed For Good

We've had to learn pretty quickly, living here, that things never stay the same. This seems to be a place where people stop on their way to somewhere else. We've have had to say goodbye more than once to friends we've come to love. Today, Addison had a final play date with a dear friend, hugged him goodbye and bounced into the car like always. I never know how it's going to affect him when someone moves away... how close he's gotten, how much he'll think about it. On the drive home, we were listening to the Wicked soundtrack, and the song Changed for Good came on. Nearly halfway through, I looked in the rearview mirror to Addison crying quietly. It broke my heart. He asked why his friend's dad wanted a new job anyway, and why everybody here has to leave. He said he was tired of making friends because they just move away and he's not going to do it anymore. I cried with him and tried to explain that sometimes things change, and sometimes change is hard, but, wow... that kid has a hard time with change. And he comes by it pretty honestly. I've never done well with change. I remember breaking down and telling the Elder's quorum to stop moving the furniture when we were moving to the house next door in high school. And when it comes to people... I don't even know where to start. I said recently that I'm terrible at keeping in touch. I think it's because it's too hard to keep missing what isn't there anymore, so I try to pretend it never was. Today, though, I realized that I'm missing out. I've had so many dear friends that have made things better, bearable at times when I couldn't bear anything...

Mindy, who has known me since I was 2. The friend who I can call in 6 month intervals and talk to as if no time at all has passed. The friend who saw how really bratty I could be and still made me feel like I could make the world turn.

Megan, who had her first baby 1 month before me and was such an example of patient parenting. The friend who still invited me over for play dates when my husband was in the hospital because she knew I needed to be normal. The friend who came with me to the Provo Courthouse to face something I knew I couldn't face alone.

Trisha, my visiting teacher turned friend who sat and watched my baby all through the night when he came home from Primary Children's, and I couldn't, just couldn't stay awake anymore.

Tracey and Ellen, my grown up best friends. The friends who taught me that I could still have girlfriends who meant as much to me as anything, who I could stay up all night with, and go to Vegas with, and toilet paper other grownups' houses with.

My new friends here in Monterey...Cheryl, who said to me, "I knew when I saw you that we'd be friends." I felt the same way. Annie, who I met at Addison's school and said, "Let me know if I can do anything for you." And when I said, "can you pick my son up every Monday?" answered... "Sure!" And all of these ladies here who have let me be a part of this ever changing group.

It seems my family gave me my general shape. They love me, support me,

help me learn what's right and good. The shape changes as I have opportunities to cut out the unique pieces that are just me by rubbing against or pushing past or colliding with people I chose, or who chose me, and I give some and I take some and become different than I was before I knew them.

Who knows if I have changed for the better? I know I haven't always, but hopefully I have at times, and hopefully I will more often than I don't. And while it breaks my heart to see Addison so sad that things are changing, I know he is changed... for good.