Fear Itself

How do you react to fear? The few experiences in my life where I have been really, truly scared for my life have shown me what I'm made of. It turns out to be something about the consistency of Jell-O.

Once when I was about 16 or 17, I was standing in my mother's kitchen doing dishes at about 11:30 at night. As I was staring out the dark window, I suddenly saw a Scream-like face staring back at me (Scream hadn't been made yet). My fight or flight instinct did not kick in. I didn't have any impulse to defend myself or run away. I really just covered my face with my hands and slumped down onto the floor. It seemed like slow motion. I knew I was going to die and decided to just wait for it. I can't remember what happened next, but my little sister came to my rescue after finding out that it was just Sam Willis in a mask.

Another time, I was driving and a car came at me in an intersection and I just knew I was going to get hit. I, again, covered my face with my hands - even more dangerous this time - and waited to die. Somehow, my car stopped in a safe place and I lived to tell about it.

I like to think I have mustered some gumption since having a child. I now have a fight or flight instinct kick in when it looks like someone might be thinking about possibly causing any kind of discomfort to Addison. Maybe that is why I feel safer when I get nervous at night and put Addison in my room. I do it thinking we'll be safer, but maybe I get some courage from feeling like I'm protecting something.

I've started watching the new show "Fear Itself" because, as I like to tell people, I love scary movies. I really do, but Tom and most of my brothers can attest to the fact that I've probably never actually seen one. Not that I haven't sat in front of the screen while a scary movie is playing, but that I really haven't seen it. I watch until it gets to be too much and then I cover my eyes, and say... "What's happening now???" I also laugh a lot while I'm "watching" scary movies. I'm not sure where this reaction comes from, but I do a lot of clapping my hands and laughing really fast.

Tom just came in, saw me typing, and started saying words like "skinwalker" and "pazazzoo" because he knows I can be scared into a tizzy with just a few words. I think he's trying to get me worked up before we start watching the new episode, just so he can leave me alone in the woods. ...I'll go get Addison.